Beginning: the point in time or space at which something starts
What’s starting? The rest of your life!
You know that saying “when one door closes, another one opens”? At first glance, it seems like a good one for this very time in your life – kid launching. Did it feel that way to me? Not even remotely. It wasn’t that simple when our daughter left for college. Or that obvious. As I think back, there were, of course, a lot of confusing emotions which frankly caught me by surprise. I had been so busy doing all the things you do when your kid graduates and then you’re in a summer of transition, getting them ready to move out and into a college dorm, or whatever the next step is going to be for them. It didn’t occur to me that there would be huge silent gaps to be filled in MY life. If it had occurred to me, I’m sure I would have thought there would be plenty of time to think about that later. You too?
No – it really wasn’t one door closing and another magically opening in front of me, saying walk this way. It was more of a slow awakening. So slow, in fact, that I didn’t recognize it as that. I somehow wasn’t prepared to start waking up morning after morning and thinking … hmmm … life around here feels decidedly different. For sure some things were the same. Routine life stuff. Going to work every day. Taking care of all the usual household errands. Doing laundry (except there were fewer loads!!) Cooking meals. All the things that made our life run smoothly. It took time to start noticing that questions were beginning to pop up for me. Especially that big one. What now? I’ve got a bunch of years in my life that have just opened up and what do I want to do with them?
With time, a new picture started to emerge, but it was a gradual unfolding of what could be, of seeing new possibilities with new eyes. I didn’t have role models, coaches or mentors to inspire me. I wish I had. It would have been awesome to have had someone willing to share their wisdom with me and offer reassurance that I would find my way or even that I would WANT to find my way. My way to what?
I had just happily spent 18 years totally focused on helping our daughter thrive. It flew by in the blink of an eye. Then came the epiphany that the next 18 years were going to fly by even faster.
OMG.
And there it was. THAT was the awakening. I didn’t want things to be the same. “Fine” wasn’t enough. I wanted MORE. It felt like I was trying to take in big gulps of air and I couldn’t get enough of it. Was it ok to feel that way? To want more?
It was the beginning, and I’m kind of thinking it might be for you too.
Your biggest fan!
Jean
